iPhone Ultra: The ‘Ultra’ Underwhelming Features You Didn’t Ask For

Ah, the iPhone Ultra. Because clearly, ‘Pro Max’ just wasn’t max enough. Apple has once again graced us with the promise of a revolutionary phone, except this time, it’s missing five key features that you probably thought were a given. Spoiler alert: you’re going to pay more for less. But hey, it’s Apple. If it’s shiny and costs a kidney, we’ll still buy it, right?

The Top 5 Features iPhone Ultra Won’t Have (Because Why Would It?)

Let’s dive into the glorious list of ‘nope, not included’ features that Apple has decided to bless us with:

• No USB-C Port: In a world where even toasters are USB-C compatible, Apple insists that we cling to its beloved Lightning port. Sure, the EU might have something to say about that, but for now, enjoy carrying around three different cables for your devices.
• Still Not Foldable: Foldable phones are so 2023… unless you’re Apple. Why make a device that doubles as a tablet when you can sell an iPhone and an iPad separately instead?
• No Periscope Zoom Lens: Want to zoom in on that breathtaking sunset? Too bad. You’ll have to settle for cropping your photos and calling it ‘artistic.’
• Touch ID? Forget About It: Remember when unlocking your phone with your fingerprint was all the rage? Well, keep remembering, because the Ultra thinks Face ID is the only way to go. Good luck unlocking it in the middle of the night when you look like a swamp monster.
• Basic Battery Life: ‘All-day battery’ is Apple’s way of saying, ‘hope you have a charger nearby.’ The Ultra may have ‘ultra’ in its name, but apparently not in its battery capabilities.

Why Apple Thinks You’ll Still Buy It

Let’s be honest. Apple could sell a brick with a fruit logo on it, and there’d still be a line around the block. The iPhone Ultra is designed for those who want to flex their disposable income without questioning why they’re paying extra for fewer features. And let’s not forget the marketing spin: ‘It’s not about what it doesn’t have; it’s about the revolutionary design and unparalleled user experience.’ Translation: ‘We know you’ll buy it anyway.’

Pros & Cons of the iPhone Ultra

Because every overpriced gadget deserves a list:

Pros:

• It’s shiny and new. Who doesn’t love shiny and new?
• Bragging rights: ‘Oh, you have the Pro Max? Cute.’
• Probably comes in a new color that will make your old iPhone look like a peasant’s device.

Cons:

• Missing basic features you’d expect in a premium phone.
• Costs more than a decent laptop.
• You’ll need to buy all-new accessories because why not?

Should You Buy It?

If you’re an Apple devotee who believes the company can do no wrong, by all means, go for it. But if you’re someone who values innovation and functionality over branding, maybe take a look at what Samsung or Google Pixel is offering. They might actually include features you’ll use.

Final Thoughts

The iPhone Ultra is a fascinating case study in how much people are willing to pay for a logo. While it’s sure to sell millions, it’s hard not to wonder how long Apple can keep up this game of removing features while increasing prices. Until then, we’ll be over here, charging our phones with USB-C and enjoying periscope zoom lenses on our non-Apple devices.

Thinking about upgrading? Check out our previous article on the iPhone Pro Max to compare the ‘differences’ (spoiler: there aren’t many).

What are your thoughts on the iPhone Ultra? Are you ready to shell out for the ‘ultra’ experience, or are you sticking to your current device? Let us know in the comments below!

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